MARCHING BAND
 
   If you were a high school musician who 
didn't want to practice for long hours each 
afternoon to play three-movement symphonies 
while forming pinwheels on the fifty-yard 
line, you had the right idea. That kind of 
nonsense doesn't interest Columbia Bandsmen 
either. We have a different view of what a
marching band should be. 
   Known to colleagues, the press, and fans 
as "The Cleverest Band in the World," we 
have, as Sports Illustrated noted, totally 
changed the traditional band format by 
"frankly forming unrecognizable blobs and 
calling them whatever they want. Columbia 
fans have watched their band form a mandolin 
pick, a white backlash, a heart murmur, a 
piece of moral decay, a lump of 
consciousness (they expanded), an apron 
string and a Shakespearean sonnet 
(14 lines)." 
   The Band received nation-wide notoriety 
for its half-time show on birth control. 
Commenting on the touchy subject of planned
parenthood, it formed a chastity belt while 
playing Don't Fence Me In, a "regular" 
calendar for I've Got Rhythm, and since the 
best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft 
a-gley, a shotgun for Get Me to the Church 
on Time. 
   The New York Post reported, in a feature 
story: "It has just been revealed that, on 
the way to the Harvard game on Yom Kippur, 
where a skeleton crew of forty played Onward 
Christian Soldiers, the band stopped at Yale 
at 3 a.m. to play Brown songs [masquerading 
as the Brown Band] and at Brown at 6 a.m. to 
play Yale songs [while Brown and Pembroke 
students cursed the Yale Band]." The Band, 
at another Ivy contest, shocked a preppy 
Princeton audience by lauding the 
"well-rounded" student body of Old Nassau, 
and the formed the letters W-A-S-P while 
playing Cherry Pink and Apple-Blossom White. 
In a "Salute to Moral Decay" the Band 
announced that they would salute the topless 
bathing suit. With a spirited rendering of 
These are a Few of My Favorite Things, the 
Band ran off the field leaving two 
strategically placed tubas. 
   Turning from sex to politics, the Band 
showed the widespread support for President 
Johnson- by running off the field playing So 
Long It's Been Good To Know You. In another 
show, commenting on Spiro Agnew's inability 
to keep his feet out of his mouth, we formed
one of his famous "All Purpose Ethnic Slurs." 
Sports Illustrated reported a classic band 
maneuver which took place at a Columbia-
Harvard game attended by the late President 
Kennedy: "It was Columbia that first 
nominated Barry Goldwater for President by 
announcing When J. Barry Silverwater is 
elected, the whole nation will rejoice in 
the knowledge that 'under his expert 
leadership we shall be ever marching ahead' 
and then marching off the field backward, to 
the roar of the crowd."  
   The Band travels to all football games, 
provides hotel accommodations on all 
overnight trips, and makes regularly 
unscheduled stops at Vassar, Smith, Mt. 
Holyoke, and Sarah Lawrence. 
   If you are interested, see us in 
September and help us write our show on the 
anniversary of the Peloponnesian War or 
assist in parachuting baby blue bandsmen 
from helicopters onto Baker Field, as part 
of a Vietnam War half-time show. 

PEP BANDS

   The Pep Bands are Columbia teams' most 
loyal and vocal supporters. Leading the 
cheering with such familiar Columbia fight 
cheers as William Tell Overture, the Ode To 
Joy from Beethoven's 9th, and Purcell's 
Trumpet Tune & Ayre, baby blue bandsmen can 
be found at every kind of athletic contest: 
basketball games, wrestling matches, fencing 
meets, crew races, swimming meets, and 
soccer matches. You name it, we've been 
there, instilling and imbibing spirits. 
   Pep Bands, admitted to games despite a 
severe shortage of student tickets, have 
traveled with the basketball team from 
Hanover, N. H. to the NCAA competition in 
Raleigh, N. C. This year we will continue as 
the only Ivy band to play at every regular 
basketball game, home and away, and, in 
addition, to attend the Christmas-time 
tourney in Philadelphia. 

CONCERT BAND

[Not us.. I'll be damned if i'm gonna type it in.]

CHAMBER MUSIC

[see above]

AD HOC GROUPS

   A band can materialize for any occasion. 
Bandsmen in baby blue spread cheer at 5 a.m.
Barnard fire drills, at Dean's debates, at 
power failures, and even on the Johnny 
Carson show, where we celebrated Johnny's 
birthday. The Ad-Hoc Beethoven's Birthday 
and Christmas Caroling Band makes annual 
trips to the Rockefeller Center. After years 
of being thrown off Columbia-owned property, 
the band has recently been met with a new 
spirit- drinks provided by David 
Rockefeller.  
   Above all there is the ascendant Band 
Spirit, a sprightly guardian angel, 200 
proof and dripping with joy, who, in 
addition to watching over the members of the 
Band, has been known to spirit flags from 
rivals' flagpoles and to gain other prizes 
we dare mention only in whispers. 

JAZZ BAND

[Also is not us. Don't fuck with their piano.] 

Even a formidable downpour will not dampen 
the spirits of a Columbia Bandsman

The band, recalling Ben Franklin's 
observation that 'There has never been a 
good war or a bad peace,' tried to prod our 
government to the negotiating table by 
extending this peace feeler.

The Band's thoughtful serenading lightens 
the drudgery of a 5 a. m. Barnard fire drill.